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Oversharing No. 1: Kim, moving in, the L word

It’s amazing how finding myself in a new relationship can make me wonder if I can or can’t do something. After how many dates should I tell the person I miss him? And at what point do I tip-off that I want to be committed?

Kim and I lost contact three years go. And now we’re really getting to know more about each other. I can say we are at the romantic level, as per my own assessment. And I’m trying my best to relearn all the things that were once taken for granted in my previous relationship in this new and fresh one.

I know Kim likes me. He sends me a message every morning. I feel like I am the first though he has in the morning. He checks up on me randomly just to see how I am doing, even when I am asleep, and won’t be able to reply. He asks me about my day, and then he actually listens. He will always have something in mind to comment about my day, and I like it. It makes me feel like he really cares, and is into me (ang ganda ko na friend, haba na ng hair ko.) He protects me, or at the very best, he tries. He will always consider if I’ll benefit from something even he won’t. This man really cares for me better than he cares for himself.

Now, I find it hard to replicate. I am not the showiest person in the world, but I’m trying. I wanted to give more than what he can give.

We then came to the decision to move in, and it felt like we’re trying to catch up with the last three years that we’re apart.  At first, I saw it as something that happened before, like history is repeating itself. I lived together with my previous partner. It was happy at first, and but it ended. It was a rush, and I gave up everything, my space, privacy, and peace. But this time with Kim, I know it’ll be different. He is different, special, kind, and I like him. This may be rushing as well, but we can make it work. BTW, we plan to move together before the month of May ends.

“ILY” is prolyl the most famous and used set of words in the English language. These words are also the hardest ones for some to day. I fear to say it because of rejection; also, I might have the lack of understanding of the importance of the phrase. I am saving my ILY for Kim. I like to burst it at the right time.

I hope my first entry for oversharing series serves you well.

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Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

Three years ago, Jess Lively bravely started the topic “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You” that hit the blogosphere, and then nearly a hundred other bloggers followed.  I followed the trend two years ago, and decided to write about the topic again.

I’ve wanted to write about this for weeks already, however I’m quiet worried about this radical vulnerability, and considered it as a trap. At first I’m not telling everyone my shit. I’ve been delving into a lot of feelings and thoughts winnowing which ones are “all right” to ration with the communal. I used to write in a very outspoken manner grasping how blogging is right now, and how the general public can cyberbully you. Exposing the naked truth about me is scary because you may laugh at me, or you may judge me. But upon getting lost reading a lot of bloggers sharing everything from their uncertainties to idiosyncratic secrets to anxieties and everything in between, I have to say, it was pretty affecting and inspirational.

Now it’s my turn to tell you. Please be gentle with me.

  1. There are a lot of changes in the office. Our division will be separating to the whole organization, and we’ll be totally an individual entity by September 2016. We are expecting a new company name, new organizational chart, new management, and new policies. There might be changes on salaries, leaves credits, and what-not. The even worst side, there were employees who had to leave since their contract ended, some were released, and the recent, my boss was advised to leave the organization. I don’t have any idea why he needed to leave. Isn’t that worrisome? What could happen next? We asked, but no definite answers were given. Like something is being covered.
  2. I’m still undecided on what to do with my life. I know I have a job, and everything seems well, but there’s something lacking. Prolly, it’s because I haven’t set my life goals yet, and whenever I’m thinking about it, I can’t seem to find what to set.
  3. Dating seems difficult now. I decided to date from time to time. Yes, I do regular dates like going to the movie, having fancy dinner, and the like. But I can’t feel happiness from dating anymore. So what more when I’ll be on a relationship, a commitment. This might be an outcome of my failed relationships.

I’m owning mine because I want you to own yours – you weirdness, your failings, your quirks.